To: God
From: Me
Again I find myself at a loss for words. I don’t know why I get speechless when it’s
time to say thank you. Oh, but when I need
money or any other type of support You hear from me every hour on the hour. Honestly
I get distracted by worldly things and before I know it a day, a week, and
sometimes even a month has gone by. During
those times of distraction, You always send someone or something along to
remind me of You and Your word.
You have revealed more to me this year than any other time
in my entire life. You’ve shown me
projects that I have to start and people that I need to reach out to. I am moving – slowly but surely on these
things. Fear has been at the forefront
of my thoughts. “What if” has been a phrase that I use over and over again, but
every time I say the words You remind me of Your word. Why should I be afraid
as long as You’ve got my back? I have
nothing to fear. It’s a trick of the
devil for me to assume that I am not worthy of the gifts that You have in store
for me. I’ve been dwelling here in the wilderness
long enough and now it is time for me to step into the things that You have
promised me.
“What will they say” is
another phrase that I repeat to myself over and over again. My mama use to tell me all of the time growing
up, “They talked about Jesus.” I didn’t
really get what she was saying then. It took me several years and several
circumstances until I could honestly agree with her. You God are our only judge, so the words and
actions of man should have no impact on my walk.
Love man. Trust God.
I am my own worst critic and biggest judge. You’ve shown me that I have to let myself off
the hook sometimes.
Nobody's perfect.
Most people don’t know this about me, but I’ve been writing
or journalizing since about the fifth grade.
That was around the time that my mother gave me my first diary/journal. I even wrote poetry. My first poem was called Dream Boy. Of course it had to be about a boy. Anyways, I showed it to my mom and after
reading the title she said to me, “You’re writing about some boy.” LOL! I lied of course and blamed it on
another girl in my class. That would be
that last time I shared any of my writings with anyone until around 2008. I guess I was afraid of what people may
think. Especially once I started quoting scripture and whatnot.
I could just hear them now, “Who does she think she is… didn’t
I just see her in the club last weekend?”
“Do you think God is really speaking to her?” and so on…
This is the time that I really came to know and trust
You. The words and phrases that I’ve
written every since then have come from You.
I can’t take the credit. It’s
unbelievable how You use the things that we see as weaknesses and turn them in
to strengths. I don’t know where You’re
going to take me with this writing thing, but I can’t wait to enjoy the ride!
So, we’ll be talking soon. I just wanted to take a moment to
openly say thanks for my life. Thanks for the not so good days. Thanks for the days when my eyes were filled
with tears of sadness. Thanks for the situations when I wanted to give up and
let life pass me by. Thanks for the heart
aches and the heart breaks. Those were the days that I grew the most.
Love always,
Christy
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