Saturday, October 13, 2012

31 Letters - Letter #13


To: The Love makers and Heart breakers (Finale)

From: Me

Daily I prayed the prayer of protection over my life. I had entered into an unknown land that reminded me of Sodom and Gomorrah. I was constantly battling my flesh while at the same time battling the pangs of my heart.

When the weather grew cold and the rain turned into ice, the black and yellow bus pulled into town and parked in the middle of the pasture where the cow grazed and the boys played… and my thoughts went back to you. 

I took a long walk to clear my mind. Once I reached the top of the hill that peered down over the sinful city, I saw you.  You were only the size of an ant from where I was standing, but I knew that it was you.  Your cat eyes met me and your smile greeted me and I boldly walked over to you just like when we first met.
“Do you remember me?”  I asked thinking back to the dark room with the balcony with your friend from south of the border waiting for us at the door.  Your eyes searched for some sign of familiarity… nothing, however, you engaged in a mediocre conversation with me until your synthetic conquest walked through the door. 

I watched you from a distance and asked my girls about you. “What has he been up to?”  I said.
“He’s a buffalo herder or a sheep gatherer.” One friend answered, but I simply gave her the side eye. 
“Girl no, he works with Bill and nem over at the Natural Forest Lake.”  Another friend answered. 
No matter what you were doing you had definitely changed.  You were now seated so far up on the podium that only a space ship could reach you. No wonder you didn't know me anymore.  I walked out into the wintry mix and glanced back at you.  Your eyes said the words that your lips were afraid to reveal.  I left you in the land of sin and deceit because the timing was off.  Not now… Maybe later. 

I blew out the candles to another year making a wish as I did and once the smoke cleared there you were.   It was like an outer body experience as I don’t recall moving my feet, but within seconds you and I stood face to face in the middle of a trail made of stones.

For the next seven days I let you back in to rediscover the place where you use to call home. Finally!  This is it! You’re the one! Dreams do come true!! 

But… somehow I found myself sitting home with a steak dinner like Zora wondering how much longer I could deal with your disappearing acts.

Silence…crickets…

15 months and seven days later I witnessed the fall of the chief of my clan which made me long for you.  That night as the sun said good night and the moon watched from afar I stepped onto my terrace and called out for you.  Beneath me on the ground you raised your voice saying my name as if I was Juliet and you were Romeo. 

Night after night you greeted me there as the night air filled my lungs and the red blood filled my veins.  I was lost again just like that, in your words, your dreams, and your thoughts. You knew exactly what to say and how to say it.  You even told me that I was the “chosen one.” 

“Why me?” I would often question you.  “Why not you?” is how you answered.  So we played this game called, “Name that dream” and quickly allowed you to get a glimpse of my heart.  And just like that…

Silence…crickets…

Then one night between old man Fred and Ms. Catherine’s house you saw me.  You came right over to me and for the rest of the night would not let me go.  You shared things about your life that you never told me before.  Your eyes were now dark brown and your hair thick and wavy. You wore a beard covering the scars that you succumbed to while working in the coal mines.

Our connection was beyond description.  I didn’t care who saw me or who saw you all I knew was that we fit! Like a latex glove to a surgeon’s hands…we fit. 

I surveyed your war wounds and you danced around the cantaloupe flavored fruit of my essence.  Your tribal mark was still there even though you no longer dressed like your clan.  You preferred more of a GQ flavor and I was feeling it. 

We watched the Arabian knights dance and sing while we prayed for the moon to stay a little longer. It was me who pulled away first.  I had to get back. I had to go.  I liked you, but you scared me.  So I bid you good night. You promised to make the twenty mile hike to visit me.  We finally parted ways and you grew smaller and smaller as my chariot pulled away.  I could still feel you on my face. I could still feel your hand in mine.  I could taste you and smell you as if you were still there.  And so… I went to sleep and dreamed of you and me… And then…

Silence… crickets…

Nope! Not again! I refused to even allow myself to be caught up in what Dr. Phil would call the “good enough for right now, but not enough for next week.”  So I distanced myself from you.  I left you there with your own dreams and I started creating my own way.

I called on God to help me see the things that were promised to me.  Unfortunately, you and your dreams weren't a part of God’s plan for me, so I had to keep it moving. 

I gained strength in knowing that I had been created especially for a purpose.  You would only be able to walk beside me when God says you’re ready.  So until then…sayonara my friend. I gotta do me.
Then God placed me in a deep sleep and revealed to me my divine assignment.  My mouth opened and then I said…

“At first, I was afraid, I was petrified. Kept thinking, how could I ever live without you by my side.  But then I spent so many nights thinking, how you did me wrong and I grew strong and I learned how to get along. And so you’re back from outer space. I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face. I should have changed that stupid lock.  I should have made you leave your key.  If I’d known for just one second you’d be back to bother me.  Go on now, go! Walk out the door, just turn around now ‘cause you’re not welcome anymore. Weren't you the one, who tried to hurt me with goodbye? Did you think I’d crumble? Did you think I’d lay down and die?  Oh, no, not I, I will survive! Oh, as long as I know how to LOVE I know I’ll stay alive. I've got all my life to live; I've got all my love to give. And I’ll survive; I will survive, hey, hey!!!”

I opened my eyes as the sun showed its face and I was a survivor.  God has special plans for me.  I’ll see you again soon, but now I have to be about my father’s business.  You see I had given you way more power than any man could ever really possess.

Right now you are asleep and God won’t wake you until I am the woman that He created me to be…

Sweet dreams…


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