31 Letters – Letter #20

Transformed

When I began this writing exercise my goal was to be transformed.  Writing for me is therapy. Writing cures me of things that I had no clue I was being affected by.  Writing gives me the space and opportunity to be uniquely me. 

I know that it is a gift from God as I use to be so afraid to write certain things in my journal even though I knew that I would be the only one reading them. 

Now, I feel that through my obedience and my divine connection with God I will not only be healed, but also transformed.

Transformation happens over time.  It is not something that you are aware of right away.  It’s kind of like waking up one morning to realize that you no longer need an alarm clock to wake you for work or how you automatically pray before bedtime.  Somewhere along the way you were transformed.

The transformation process can also hurt a great deal.  There may be bloodshed, loved ones lost, or hearts broken, but when the sun rises to welcome a new day you just know that you have been transformed.

Turning 31 or even 30 for that matter didn't bring about too many changes in my life.  At midnight I didn't all of sudden feel as if I was a new person and that my path was brand new.  No.  However, when I looked back to age 25 I realize that I had indeed changed.  I probably wouldn't like me five or six years ago.  I probably would not have wanted to be my own friend.  

The things that I've seen and gone through over the past five or six years have made me stronger and tougher.  They've also forced me to build a wall around my heart.  I am over protective of myself.  I only let certain people in certain situations get close to me. 

Someone told me on yesterday that “God is setting me up for greatness.”  It feels good to hear, but doubt often sets in when I can’t see or touch the things that have been promised to me.  I am only reminded of the hurt and pain of my past, so it is often difficult to see the positive.  That is when faith takes over.

My favorite scripture is Matthew 9:29.  “Because of your faith, it will happen.”   Simply put.  If we just believe that something will come to pass, we already have the victory.  There will be people along the way that will attempt to keep us from reaching higher, but as long as our focus is on God the sky is the limit. 

So as I embark on this period of transformation, I pray that I remove the fear, doubt, and distractions that have held me captive for so long.  It’s a trick of the devil and I refuse to allow Satan to win at anything in my life.

Be transformed today….