31 Letters – Letter #26

“Everything’s not always black & white” – Part 2

And then the ladies weighed in...And might I add had a lot more to say then the guys…

Lady #1: “Other than they like how they “look”, I really have no idea!”

Lady #2:  “I think that it may be “trendy” for some guys looking for status.  I also feel that the ladies offer them (eagerly) some benefits that us brown girls make them work a little hard for… I think that Black women are definitely a lot to handle, but not in a bad way. We have been raised in an environment where we were taught to be strong, vocal, and aggressive.  We were taught to be independent.  We were taught to bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan.  Often times our fathers were absent either physically, emotionally, spiritually, or financially.  Either way we developed a complex over time where we felt as if we deserved the very best. And sometimes that was because of the lack of a relationship with our fathers.  I feel that love is blind. God is love and He is of all races since he created us in his image, so I am not against interracial dating or marriage.  What I am offended by is when our black men place us in a box because of one or two bad relationships.  We are strong, but we are sensitive as well and ready and very willing to be submissive to our mates.  I love black men.  Nothing like some dark chocolate… J ”

Lady #3: “Interesting question because I ask black guys that question myself, especially if I meet one that only wants to date white or hispanic women. Now there are some black men that are only attracted to white or hispanic women and just not attracted to those inside their race. Same as me I'm just not attracted to white guys. I think that some men feel that white women are more laid back, more giving in a relationship, more open sexually, less demanding. Then sometimes white women have the reputation of being doormats who tolerate bad behavior from men (the 20 something "single white female"..lol). Now understand that I don't feel that black women aren't the same, I'm more basing it on what I've been told by black men about white women. Hope this helps...”

Lady #4: “Hmmmm, I’m not sure if there is a specific reason or not but hearsay tells me that women of those races tend to be more submissive, less “lip” and more caretakers of their men.  Flip side---give me a man that is taking care of business and hell, he’ll have dinner prepared nightly with a side of ass!”

Lady #5:  Ummmm.......well, I can't speak for all, but my boo wasn't attracted to me because I'm white.   We just became good friends and got to know each other, and then fell in love.  I do think a lot of black guys that think a LOT of themselves (know how attractive they are, try to throw a lot of game at girls, etc) choose other races simply for the status.     For whatever reason, it sounds better to them to be able to brag that they were good enough to attract someone from another race.

Lady #6:  The African American culture has reared our women to be strong, independent. For so long African American women have become the back bone for our culture when the men were absent, which has allowed submissiveness to be somewhat obsolete. Men, in general, prefer leading, being able to make decisions without being challenged and majority of African American women are established, independent, and doing better than their male counterpart causing them to react and challenge them when something doesn't seem right, which brings in a level of disrespect. Every man wants to be respected, and if they don’t have respect from their significant other, problems arise. If they don’t feel respected, they can’t give the love, which causes dysfunction.

 

I feel, African American women challenge their men to be great, push them to pursue their dreams because they desire a strong man, a man they can follow, trust and depend on; but our in dependency has hindered our vulnerability and has put us as an enemy against our own men. We have taken on too much of a leadership role that many of us aren't able to be submissive and aren't able to allow our men to lead because we want their role. We want to be in control. IN contrast, some of our men have been lazy, complacent, therefore choosing women who will submit to them without pushing them to greater height and will accept them in their complacency. IN a nutshell, men choose women who will respect them.