31 Letters – Letter #27

The difference between some man, your man, or your Father… (Part 1)

The relationship between a father and a daughter sets the tone for how the daughter reacts to men for the rest of her life.  If the daughter grows up in a home where her father is present physically, spiritually, emotionally, and financially she will more than likely be more confident and secure in herself based on her balanced upbringing.  However, if the father is absent physically and emotionally or physically and spiritually the daughter will develop trust issues as it relates to men.  For example, if a father abandons his family during the daughter’s early years, she will do one of the following:  (1) assume that most men will leave her or abandoned her, so she hops around from man to man before they have an opportunity to leave.  (2) She will hold on tight to her man for fear that if she lets him go, he won’t return.  (3) She will build walls around her heart to protect herself from being hurt.  She longs for love or a serious relationship, but the fear of heart break and abandonment keep her bound. 

What if the father was there physically, but absent spiritually, emotionally, and financially?

Here’s a short story to provide more insight.

Once upon a time there lived a little girl name Priscilla.  Priscilla’s father was a very powerful man. He was well known and well liked by everyone that knew him.  What everyone didn't know is that once her father was home with the family he turned into an unrecognizable person.  He was angry, withdrawn, bitter, and often cruel.  He treated Priscilla’s mother as if she were a child constantly reminding her of how she didn't measure up to other women.  Priscilla loved her father as long as they were outside of the household, but once they arrived home he treated her and her siblings as if he was the ruler of a kingdom and they were his slaves. 

Before long Priscilla became very vocal standing up for not only herself, but for her siblings and her mother.  Her father would often remind her that she was a child and shouldn't speak to adults in that tone of voice.  He mocked her saying she spent all of her energy defending everyone else, but no one ever came to her aid. That statement was sad but definitely true; however, she couldn't just stand back and say nothing while those that she loved were being mistreated.   It was about this time that she informed her mother, “When I grow up I will never marry a man like that!”  And that was that.

As a family they did not pray together.  There was not much laughter and absolutely no form of affection.  Priscilla’s father spent most of his and the family’s money on bad investments.  This habit resulted in the family often going without food, lights, and other necessities.  But to the outside world Priscilla’s father was a king that could do no wrong. 

Priscilla’s story happens all too often in today’s world.  It will be interesting to see what becomes of Priscilla.

To be continued…